I've contributed to the Orlando Sentinel's Moms at Work blog since 2010. The blog is changing content management systems and my old posts will no longer be available to the public, so I'm reposting them here, in the order that they were originally posted.
Aug. 1, 2012
Although I don't generally watch much TV, like many people, I'm glued to my set these days so I can catch the Olympics. The stories and accomplishments of the athletes are absolutely fascinating. When I was younger, I used to tell myself that I still had time to get good enough at a sport to make it to the Olympics. Sadly, that ship has sailed.
These days, I'm eyeing my daughter to figure out whether there's any possibility that she'll make my athletic dreams come true.
My husband and I, mindful of her long legs and love of tumbling, have already enrolled her in gymnastics, but we're a bit wary of allowing her to continue with it long term (we worry about whether the sport will be dangerous to her development). So that's out.
I'm a former soccer player, so I certainly wouldn't mind if she took that up, but I'd prefer for her to be in a one-person sport. To that end, I'd love to see her in a graceful, dramatic activity such as fencing. My husband, however, counting on her to inherit height from his tall family instead of from my family of hobbit-sized folk, thinks she could be a champion swimmer.
We'll see. At some point, of course, we have to let her decide what activity interests her most. And then we have to support her, even if she chooses a sport that we don't like.
But for now, it's fun to dream and speculate.
Do you fantasize about being the parent of an Olympian?
Sunday, June 30, 2013
In which I reflect on how I am too old to enjoy Kanye West's 'Yeezus'
So, yeah, I think I'm too old to get into Kanye West's 'Yeezus' album. I didn't enjoy it. Like, at all.
When I was in my early 20s, I swore I'd never become one of those people so wrapped up in whatever is middle-aged life that I would find myself disconnected from whatever was hot or new or challenging in music.
Now, in my late 30s, 'Yeezus' proves something I hadn't really understood or articulated about myself: I have become that person I once so disdained. And you know what? That's fine.
I've just finished listening to 'Yeezus' on RDIO, and there's just nothing about it that appeals to me.
I should say that I'm not a hip-hop hater. Although I would identify most as a Prince fan, for a significant portion of my life, it wouldn't have been inaccurate to describe me as a hip-hop head. My bonafides include dancing on stage with Tupac, stanning for Rakim and Wu-Tang Clan, a music collection fairly redolent with '80s, '90s and early '00s hip-hop -- and, of course, multiple concerts by multiple rap artists. I'm not even a reflexive Yeezy hater, trust. I enjoyed 'College Dropout' and 'Late Registration' and there were even some moments on 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy' that I liked.
But this album? This one, which is apparently the top seller in the country right now, might just be the thing to drive home the larger notion that I no longer care about new music in the way I once did. During the past few years, when I've heard new music, I've usually been able to figure out what about that music was special or important, even if I didn't like all of it personally.
This one was different. From a level of misogyny in the lyrics that troubles even my long-inured-to-hip-hop's-flaws-on-that-front sensibilities to the actual sounds of the tracks themselves to what seems like art-school pretentiousness flowing through the whole project, 'Yeezus' is designed to turn off people in my age range. I'm OK with that.
No, really, I am.
It's OK. I give up. I'm happy to listen to opera, instrumental classical and the hip-hop and R&B I know.
I certainly recognize that Kanye is influential. I'm guessing that there will be many albums that pick up bits and pieces of what he's done here. I just...don't care to hear them.
If this is where hip-hop is going to go, I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out.
Fin.
When I was in my early 20s, I swore I'd never become one of those people so wrapped up in whatever is middle-aged life that I would find myself disconnected from whatever was hot or new or challenging in music.
Now, in my late 30s, 'Yeezus' proves something I hadn't really understood or articulated about myself: I have become that person I once so disdained. And you know what? That's fine.
I've just finished listening to 'Yeezus' on RDIO, and there's just nothing about it that appeals to me.
I should say that I'm not a hip-hop hater. Although I would identify most as a Prince fan, for a significant portion of my life, it wouldn't have been inaccurate to describe me as a hip-hop head. My bonafides include dancing on stage with Tupac, stanning for Rakim and Wu-Tang Clan, a music collection fairly redolent with '80s, '90s and early '00s hip-hop -- and, of course, multiple concerts by multiple rap artists. I'm not even a reflexive Yeezy hater, trust. I enjoyed 'College Dropout' and 'Late Registration' and there were even some moments on 'My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy' that I liked.
But this album? This one, which is apparently the top seller in the country right now, might just be the thing to drive home the larger notion that I no longer care about new music in the way I once did. During the past few years, when I've heard new music, I've usually been able to figure out what about that music was special or important, even if I didn't like all of it personally.
This one was different. From a level of misogyny in the lyrics that troubles even my long-inured-to-hip-hop's-flaws-on-that-front sensibilities to the actual sounds of the tracks themselves to what seems like art-school pretentiousness flowing through the whole project, 'Yeezus' is designed to turn off people in my age range. I'm OK with that.
No, really, I am.
It's OK. I give up. I'm happy to listen to opera, instrumental classical and the hip-hop and R&B I know.
I certainly recognize that Kanye is influential. I'm guessing that there will be many albums that pick up bits and pieces of what he's done here. I just...don't care to hear them.
If this is where hip-hop is going to go, I honestly don't feel like I'm missing out.
Fin.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Repost: Taking a vacation from parenting
I've contributed to the Orlando Sentinel's Moms at Work blog since 2010. The blog is changing content management systems and my old posts will no longer be available to the public, so I'm reposting them here, in the order that they were originally posted.
July 25, 2012
I thought I needed a little holiday from parenting, but it turns out that I'm a little puzzled about what to do with myself when I'm not Mom.
For the past several days, my daughter has been vacationing 70 miles away from home, on a week-long visit with my mother.
My husband and I had big plans for this time. We were going to spend tons of childfree time together. We'd hit the movies, go to a restaurant or two, and generally just revel in a less stressed, fully grownup life for six glorious days.
That's not what's actually happened.
Oh, kiddo's having all the fun we imagined for her: lots of play, trips to parks, grandparent-sponsored treats I'd never buy and the joy of being endlessly fascinating to somebody other than Mommy and Daddy for a change.
We, while delighted to have more uninterrupted time with each other, have found that parenting consumes our thoughts even when there's no child in the house. I get out of bed in the morning and have to stop myself from bounding to kiddo's room to wake her for school. My husband doesn't know what to do with himself during the time we usually devote to her bedtime. Earlier this week, I left work at the end of the day and drove nearly to her school as if to pick her up before remembering that she wasn't there. We made it to a movie theater, but more of our time has been spent at home -- and an embarrassing amount of that time has revolved around discussions about how much we miss her.
As hectic as our lives are when we're operating normally, we'll be so delighted to retrieve her at the end of this week.
Our lives just don't feel right without her here.
July 25, 2012
I thought I needed a little holiday from parenting, but it turns out that I'm a little puzzled about what to do with myself when I'm not Mom.
For the past several days, my daughter has been vacationing 70 miles away from home, on a week-long visit with my mother.
My husband and I had big plans for this time. We were going to spend tons of childfree time together. We'd hit the movies, go to a restaurant or two, and generally just revel in a less stressed, fully grownup life for six glorious days.
That's not what's actually happened.
Oh, kiddo's having all the fun we imagined for her: lots of play, trips to parks, grandparent-sponsored treats I'd never buy and the joy of being endlessly fascinating to somebody other than Mommy and Daddy for a change.
We, while delighted to have more uninterrupted time with each other, have found that parenting consumes our thoughts even when there's no child in the house. I get out of bed in the morning and have to stop myself from bounding to kiddo's room to wake her for school. My husband doesn't know what to do with himself during the time we usually devote to her bedtime. Earlier this week, I left work at the end of the day and drove nearly to her school as if to pick her up before remembering that she wasn't there. We made it to a movie theater, but more of our time has been spent at home -- and an embarrassing amount of that time has revolved around discussions about how much we miss her.
As hectic as our lives are when we're operating normally, we'll be so delighted to retrieve her at the end of this week.
Our lives just don't feel right without her here.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Repost: I don't want to throw my kid a birthday party
I've contributed to the Orlando Sentinel's Moms at Work blog since 2010. The blog is changing content management systems and my old posts will no longer be available to the public, so I'm reposting them here, in the order that they were originally posted.
July 18, 2012
I don't want to throw my kid a birthday party.
There, I said it.
My daughter's third birthday is coming up in a couple of months, and family members, friends and other parents all seem to be assuming that I am planning to throw her a birthday party. The small family gatherings we've had in the past were cute, they seem to be saying, but this time she deserves a real big-girl party.
I know all the great things about parties: watching the kids get icing all over themselves, smiles, laughter, the opportunity for parents to say "just this little bit" so they give themselves the excuse to pick up the sugary treats they've been denying themselves all week (or is that just me?). Even my husband has started saying that he'd love for us to throw a party for our daughter because he'd like other parents to buy things for our kid the way we bought things for theirs.
Still, I'm not buying it. This will just be her third birthday, and I'm betting she won't remember it. Also, we've attended a few 3-year-old birthday parties, and it seems as though most of the kids are just barely of an age when they can play together. They sometimes wander off, leaving ostensible playmates behind, and don't always seem to understand the concept of a birthday party.
And, of course, I absolutely hate the idea of having to decide which kids we can invite based on what will be a limited budget. Ideally, we'd invite kiddo's whole school, but that's just not going to happen.
Plus, I like our small family parties. Generally speaking, when it comes to a choice between blowout event and lowkey gathering, I'll always choose the latter. That's in part because I'm at my best in small groups. It's also because I like to minimize chaos in my life -- and there are few things more chaotic than a gaggle of small children.
Oh, and the gift bags. It's a kid's party, not a wedding! I don't recall getting presents for going to other people's parties when I was a kid, but we've walked away from all the kid parties we've attended with gift bags in tow. I have to invite other kids to my daughter's party, get them hopped up on sugar and then send them off with a parting gift? Who came up with this idea?
I continue to resist efforts to begin planning a party, but as the date gets closer, I wouldn't be surprised if the pressure gets stronger. I'll try to stay strong.
Did you throw birthday parties for your small children? What was the experience like?
July 18, 2012
I don't want to throw my kid a birthday party.
There, I said it.
My daughter's third birthday is coming up in a couple of months, and family members, friends and other parents all seem to be assuming that I am planning to throw her a birthday party. The small family gatherings we've had in the past were cute, they seem to be saying, but this time she deserves a real big-girl party.
I know all the great things about parties: watching the kids get icing all over themselves, smiles, laughter, the opportunity for parents to say "just this little bit" so they give themselves the excuse to pick up the sugary treats they've been denying themselves all week (or is that just me?). Even my husband has started saying that he'd love for us to throw a party for our daughter because he'd like other parents to buy things for our kid the way we bought things for theirs.
Still, I'm not buying it. This will just be her third birthday, and I'm betting she won't remember it. Also, we've attended a few 3-year-old birthday parties, and it seems as though most of the kids are just barely of an age when they can play together. They sometimes wander off, leaving ostensible playmates behind, and don't always seem to understand the concept of a birthday party.
And, of course, I absolutely hate the idea of having to decide which kids we can invite based on what will be a limited budget. Ideally, we'd invite kiddo's whole school, but that's just not going to happen.
Plus, I like our small family parties. Generally speaking, when it comes to a choice between blowout event and lowkey gathering, I'll always choose the latter. That's in part because I'm at my best in small groups. It's also because I like to minimize chaos in my life -- and there are few things more chaotic than a gaggle of small children.
Oh, and the gift bags. It's a kid's party, not a wedding! I don't recall getting presents for going to other people's parties when I was a kid, but we've walked away from all the kid parties we've attended with gift bags in tow. I have to invite other kids to my daughter's party, get them hopped up on sugar and then send them off with a parting gift? Who came up with this idea?
I continue to resist efforts to begin planning a party, but as the date gets closer, I wouldn't be surprised if the pressure gets stronger. I'll try to stay strong.
Did you throw birthday parties for your small children? What was the experience like?
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Repost: Working moms, are you tired of hearing that you "can't have it all"?
I've contributed to the Orlando Sentinel's Moms at Work blog since 2010. The blog is changing content management systems and my old posts will no longer be available to the public, so I'm reposting them here, in the order that they were originally posted.
This post is from exactly a year ago today.
June 27, 2012
Oh, look, it's another article about how working moms "can't have it all."
Are we tired of this yet? This time, it's from The Atlantic magazine, and it's an article in which Anne-Marie Slaughter, a formerly high-ranking State Department official, goes on at length -- and I do mean At Length -- about how guilty she felt when she quit her job to spend more time with her family. Slaughter said she felt as though she was letting down her family when she was working and wasn't as committed to her career when she was putting as much energy as possible into her family.
She has several prescriptions for women of the generations behind her that she worries might eventually feel as she does. Here's one (I encourage you to read the rest at the link):
Well, yes.
Here's the thing: Most women don't have time to worry about this stuff, because what Slaughter's talking about are the kinds of calculations that women who don't work in careers as high-powered as hers have to perform all the time. When you have kids and need or want to work, you have to constantly prioritize. Moms today understand, implicitly, that it's just a fact that it's really difficult have a high-ranking, highly-paid career and be a helicopter parent -- and we know that this is a challenge for moms and dads. There simply aren't enough hours in the day, and our society doesn't have the institutional support system to allow parents to do that.
The good news is that most working moms (and dads) manage to perform this kind of triage in our daily family and work lives without as much angst as Slaughter. We live our lives day by day, and we know that some days will be better than others. We do the best we can, and many times our best still puts us above and beyond what our families and employers expect from us. On balance, most of us are getting this parenting thing right.
Let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves.
This post is from exactly a year ago today.
June 27, 2012
Oh, look, it's another article about how working moms "can't have it all."
Are we tired of this yet? This time, it's from The Atlantic magazine, and it's an article in which Anne-Marie Slaughter, a formerly high-ranking State Department official, goes on at length -- and I do mean At Length -- about how guilty she felt when she quit her job to spend more time with her family. Slaughter said she felt as though she was letting down her family when she was working and wasn't as committed to her career when she was putting as much energy as possible into her family.
She has several prescriptions for women of the generations behind her that she worries might eventually feel as she does. Here's one (I encourage you to read the rest at the link):
Along the way, women should think about the climb to leadership not in terms of a straight upward slope, but as irregular stair steps, with periodic plateaus (and even dips) when they turn down promotions to remain in a job that works for their family situation; when they leave high-powered jobs and spend a year or two at home on a reduced schedule; or when they step off a conventional professional track to take a consulting position or project-based work for a number of years.
Well, yes.
Here's the thing: Most women don't have time to worry about this stuff, because what Slaughter's talking about are the kinds of calculations that women who don't work in careers as high-powered as hers have to perform all the time. When you have kids and need or want to work, you have to constantly prioritize. Moms today understand, implicitly, that it's just a fact that it's really difficult have a high-ranking, highly-paid career and be a helicopter parent -- and we know that this is a challenge for moms and dads. There simply aren't enough hours in the day, and our society doesn't have the institutional support system to allow parents to do that.
The good news is that most working moms (and dads) manage to perform this kind of triage in our daily family and work lives without as much angst as Slaughter. We live our lives day by day, and we know that some days will be better than others. We do the best we can, and many times our best still puts us above and beyond what our families and employers expect from us. On balance, most of us are getting this parenting thing right.
Let's stop putting so much pressure on ourselves.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Repost: Give me serenity to accept that my kid is a picky eater
I've contributed to the Orlando Sentinel's Moms at Work blog since 2010. The blog is changing content management systems and my old posts will no longer be available to the public, so I'm reposting them here, in the order that they were originally posted.
June 13, 2012
Until now, I've been able to deal with my daughter's recent forays into the land of picky eating with equanimity, but I'm now throwing my hands up.
A few days ago, I got the bright idea to make a one-pot meal for my family, and decided to go with something I've made before that we enjoy, an adapted chicken paella recipe..
What could possibly go wrong, right? The paella combines several foods we love in one dish.
Of course something would go wrong -- and of course that would involve my kid.
Kiddo, almost 3, has suddenly decided that she no longer likes rice. Rice is, as she told my husband, "Ewwww."
What? Who doesn't like rice?
June 13, 2012
Until now, I've been able to deal with my daughter's recent forays into the land of picky eating with equanimity, but I'm now throwing my hands up.
A few days ago, I got the bright idea to make a one-pot meal for my family, and decided to go with something I've made before that we enjoy, an adapted chicken paella recipe..
What could possibly go wrong, right? The paella combines several foods we love in one dish.
Of course something would go wrong -- and of course that would involve my kid.
Kiddo, almost 3, has suddenly decided that she no longer likes rice. Rice is, as she told my husband, "Ewwww."
What? Who doesn't like rice?
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Repost: How far would you go to protect your child?
I've contributed to the Orlando Sentinel's Moms at Work blog since 2010. The blog is changing content management systems and my old posts will no longer be available to the public, so I'm reposting them here, in the order that they were originally posted.
June 6, 2012
Like a lot of first-time parents, I wasn't prepared for the depth, fierceness and fullness of the love I felt for my child.
I expected to love her a whole heck of a lot, but I didn't know that love would be so profound that it would sometimes stop me in my tracks. My love is such that there are a lot of things I do for her that I really don't want to do and probably wouldn't do for anyone else, such as attending a Fresh Beat Band concert and singing Bob Marley's 'Three Little Birds' repeatedly.
The love is not, however, so great that I can imagine helping her get away with literal murder.
An Atlanta-area mom who doesn't have my scruples is now set to serve six years in prison for destroying evidence that linked her son to a killing. When Deena Davis, 45, learned that her 17-year-old son and a friend had been involved in the robbery and death of a cabdriver in 2009, she tried to concoct an alibi for him and helped with the destruction of the clothes he had been wearing when he committed the crime. Davis' repeated lies to law-enforcement officers delayed the arrest of her son, Quantavious Harris, by a couple of months, police said. He's since been sentenced to life plus ten years in prison, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
I don't even know where to begin with this. In her place, I think I'd be so horrified that I'd have to turn my kid in to the authorities. I'd call a good defense attorney first, but I'd definitely turn her in.
What makes the story even sadder is that Davis has at least one younger son who has now lost both his older brother and mom to the prison system. I hope there are people in his life who have better decision-making skills and can be the stability he needs. What would you do if your child came to you and said she or he had committed a serious crime? Would you lie for your kid or head straight for the police?
June 6, 2012
Like a lot of first-time parents, I wasn't prepared for the depth, fierceness and fullness of the love I felt for my child.
I expected to love her a whole heck of a lot, but I didn't know that love would be so profound that it would sometimes stop me in my tracks. My love is such that there are a lot of things I do for her that I really don't want to do and probably wouldn't do for anyone else, such as attending a Fresh Beat Band concert and singing Bob Marley's 'Three Little Birds' repeatedly.
The love is not, however, so great that I can imagine helping her get away with literal murder.
An Atlanta-area mom who doesn't have my scruples is now set to serve six years in prison for destroying evidence that linked her son to a killing. When Deena Davis, 45, learned that her 17-year-old son and a friend had been involved in the robbery and death of a cabdriver in 2009, she tried to concoct an alibi for him and helped with the destruction of the clothes he had been wearing when he committed the crime. Davis' repeated lies to law-enforcement officers delayed the arrest of her son, Quantavious Harris, by a couple of months, police said. He's since been sentenced to life plus ten years in prison, according to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
I don't even know where to begin with this. In her place, I think I'd be so horrified that I'd have to turn my kid in to the authorities. I'd call a good defense attorney first, but I'd definitely turn her in.
What makes the story even sadder is that Davis has at least one younger son who has now lost both his older brother and mom to the prison system. I hope there are people in his life who have better decision-making skills and can be the stability he needs. What would you do if your child came to you and said she or he had committed a serious crime? Would you lie for your kid or head straight for the police?
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